Hi Kimbra, thank you for taking the time to talk with us today. Can you please introduce yourself and tell us what you do?

Originally from Seattle, I’m an American artist based in Paris, France. I take self-portraits exclusively on film that I develop and print in my home darkroom. I started modelling at fifteen but quickly grew frustrated working in an industry that wasn’t in alignment with my values and promoting toxic and unattainable beauty standards. I have struggled with depression most of my life and began my self-portraitures as a therapeutic way to create images of how I actually saw myself that felt authentic. I do not retouch my work, and I embrace the natural imperfections that occur when shooting film. I have been vegan for over a decade and am extremely passionate about sustainable and ethical living. In 2022, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Since then the primary focus of my work has been documenting my experience of what it means to be a young woman healing.

Kimbra wears the Zera bikini in Black.

You were diagnosed with breast cancer at thirty. How did this diagnosis affect your relationship with yourself and your worldview?

More than anything, my diagnosis has expanded my kindness and patience towards others. You never know what people may be struggling with, especially if they don’t “look sick”. I have also learned to trust and listen to my body even more, I knew something was wrong before my doctors and had to advocate for myself to finally get my diagnosis. It showed me that my body is more resilient than I ever thought it was. Rest is important and necessary, it’s not a sign of weakness. I have been fiercely independent most of my life, and my diagnosis taught me how to ask others for help and that people who love you will show up. 

In 2022, you posted a powerful image of yourself in a hospital surrounded by medical equipment, sharing your breast cancer diagnosis with your followers. Could you share with us your experience of being diagnosed with breast cancer and your journey since?

I had been sick for over a year when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, so in a way, it was a relief to finally know what was wrong and have doctors validate my symptoms rather than dismissing me. It was also refreshing to finally have a clear direction; once I was diagnosed and the extent of my cancer was discovered, my surgery was scheduled very quickly. It was all sort of a blur. I had three surgeries at once, and because of this, the recovery was a lot more challenging than I was expecting. I couldn’t use my left arm at all for over a month, needed help with the most basic tasks, and had months of physical therapy. Immediately after my surgery, five different female friends came and lived with me, in succession, for two months to help me, and they showed me the truest meaning of friendship and pure unconditional love.

Since your mastectomy, you have spoken about the difficulties you have faced in coming to terms with your new body. Especially in your work, where your body has been a vital aspect of your career, and you seemingly have a positive body image, have you found this has faltered and what has provided comfort during these difficult moments?

After modelling for such a long time and starting at such a young age, I developed a really unhealthy relationship with my body image and self-worth. It took a long time to unlearn a lot of the patriarchal toxic beauty ideals that had been ingrained into me. When I first began my self-portraits, it was simply to create images of how I saw myself, and I kept them private for a long time because I was not creating them for anyone besides myself. The act and process of creating the image can be more therapeutic than the final result. I slowly began to share with my close friends, and they encouraged and gave me the confidence to share publicly.

I still don’t feel comfortable in my body all the time, and I have good days and bad days even now. After being sick for such a long period of time, it was hard to not resent my body and feel like it was betraying me. My body has also changed a lot in the past few years, but I am actively learning to love and accept the body I have each day. Through my self-portraits, I have developed a much healthier relationship with my body, but it’s an ongoing practice. Even when I might not be feeling my best, I am constantly in awe of and have so much gratitude for my body’s ability to heal.

Kimbra wears the Zera bikini in Juniper.

In an Instagram post, you mentioned that your recovery process is non-linear and that ‘pain ebbs and flows like waves’. How have you managed to overcome the overwhelming moments when the pain feels endless?

For me, the most important thing to do when an overwhelming moment arises is to first fully acknowledge the feelings and sensations in my body. If I feel like crying, I cry, if I feel like screaming, I scream. Whenever I have suppressed certain emotions or pain in the past, it always makes things worse in the long run. I have also learned what tools and coping mechanisms work best for me; sometimes, it's something simple like taking deep breaths, resting, a hot water bottle, journaling, yoga, talking with friends, and, of course, taking self-portraits.

Kimbra wears the Zera bikini in Black.

Breast cancer commonly occurs in families, which is true of yours with both your mother and grandmother being diagnosed with breast cancer. Has this had an impact on your relationship with each other and your sense of identity?

I cared for my mother when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer over a decade ago and helped her after her surgery. So when I was eventually diagnosed, I felt fairly educated about breast cancer because I had been to so many oncology appointments with my mother and read so many books on the topic, but nothing can really prepare you, and everyone's experience is unique. My diagnosis and experience brought me closer to both my mother and grandmother, and it was also empowering knowing that ancestrally I came from this lineage of strong women who were fighters. My grandmother sadly passed away earlier this year from a breast cancer recurrence at age 90, but I still feel just as close to her now and can feel her presence always.

In an eye-opening post, you spoke honestly about one of the biggest challenges you faced during your treatment and recovery, where you felt dismissed and were called crazy by people you thought were friends. Can you talk to us a little bit more about this?

I was dismissed not only by close friends but also by my doctors for months before I was diagnosed, and it was unbelievably painful and lonely, making an already difficult time so much worse. When I first shared this post, I received hundreds of messages from other people who had similar experiences of feeling abandoned and lonely when they were sick and most vulnerable.

There is a massive issue with people, and specifically the medical community invalidating women’s symptoms and pain. It is easier to just say a woman is ‘crazy or hysterical’ than to really investigate, especially when the answer might not be obvious. The etymology of the word hysterical comes from the Greek hystera, meaning uterus. It was originally believed hysteria was a suffering or defect of the uterus. There are so many deep-rooted issues in the history of women’s healthcare; if anyone’s interested in learning more about this, I suggest reading ‘The Pain Gap; How Sexism and Racism in Healthcare Kill Women’ by Anushay Hossain.

What do you hope to accomplish by sharing your breast cancer experience with your community?

I hope to raise awareness and destigmatize cancer. I feel like breast cancer specifically is not shown authentically very often, and that contributes to a culture of fear, misunderstanding and isolation. When I first shared my diagnosis, I received hundreds of messages from strangers all over the world who were directly and indirectly affected by the disease and thanked me for sharing, that it made them feel less alone. If my work helps even one person feel seen and validated, then it is worth it to me. October is breast cancer awareness month, and I want to remind and encourage everyone to check their chest regularly; even men can get breast cancer too! I also can’t stress enough the importance of listening to your own body, advocating for yourself and loving the body you have each day.