Balancing Motherhood
This Mother’s Day, we speak to a friend of Youswim’s, Nanci, about her experience with parenthood and the joys and challenges she has faced raising her children.
By Chelsea Covington
Photographer: Lily Brown
Can you tell us about your journey into parenthood? What have you found easy, and what have you found more challenging?
I became a parent quite early in my adult life and have been one for quite some time! I have always tried to embrace the challenges of parenthood, but can find the daily grind to be relentless and tedious sometimes. I always try to make it fun, channel my inner child and try to have the odd spontaneous surprise to shake things up a bit! The easiest and best part of parenthood is watching them discover new things, which is amazing.
Can you talk to us about who you were before having children and who you are today? Do you remember that defining moment?
As a young mother-to-be, I felt a lot of pressure from other people to do the conventional thing. Society does not tend to look so favourably at women making their own choices about their bodies. I decided on a home birth for my first child, which was met with some worry by the people around me. But after a long labour, my first daughter was born safely at home, and I felt like I could do anything I put my mind to! I learnt how important it is to trust your instincts, and I have never looked back.
“As a young mother-to-be, I felt a lot of pressure from other people to do the conventional thing. Society does not tend to look so favourably at women making their own choices about their bodies.”
Did having a child change the way you feel about your body?
Yes! My body changed quite a lot after my youngest, and I have had to prioritise my relationship with my body more. It has been through a lot, and I am definitely more aware of my body ageing now. It can be easy to forget to care for yourself when you are so busy. But I have learnt to appreciate what my body has done for me and to give it the love it deserves.
What are the most valuable lessons you want to teach your children?
I have always encouraged my children to be their authentic selves and appreciate all their individual differences and the differences of others. We have shared interests that we enjoy exploring together as a family, but also understand when we need to branch off on our own sometimes. I have focused on building a supportive but independent environment at home. I really enjoy watching the kids support one another!
Two of your children are now teenagers, experiencing significant milestones in their lives. How do you support them in their transition between childhood and adulthood?
I think it is really important to respect and listen to their opinions and beliefs in the transition into adulthood. Welcoming their interest in my own practice/projects has always been a pleasure, and asking them for advice when working is a great way to encourage collaborative thinking. I am very lucky to have two emotionally intelligent daughters and am incredibly proud of who they have become.
Many people have spoken about the ways they feel like they lose their identity when they become a parent. Is this something you’ve experienced, and how do you take time to remember who you are outside of parenting?
As an artist, I feel most myself when making, and my life/art practice is very much interconnected. My children have always been present when I've done a lot of my work, so I never lost that part of my identity, as I am still very much myself around them and continue doing the things I love. But it’s also important to nourish your child-free side; I read a lot, go to galleries, and take time out to spend time with my wonderful friends/colleagues and have lots of grown-up chat. I am also starting a Master’s Degree this year, which is an exciting next chapter!
“My children have always been present when I've done a lot of my work, so I never lost that part of my identity... But it’s also important to nourish your child-free side; I read a lot, go to galleries, and take time out to spend time with my wonderful friends/colleagues and have lots of grown-up chat.”
The UK’s policy to support new parents is limited in its support, to say the least, particularly when partnered with expensive childcare. This can mean that many new parents have to make difficult decisions when managing childcare and their careers. What has your experience been of this?
I have studied and worked whilst caring for a family, and it definitely brings up many difficult decisions if childcare is not available or too expensive. I have had to rely on friends and family close by for help, but sadly, that is not an option for everyone. I think it is unfair for parents, especially Mothers, who often have to sacrifice their opportunities due to a lack of support.
